Hills and Plateaus

Hills and Plateaus

After reading the latest TSM blog I feel provoked and I am sure I am not the only student from last year’s course that is feeling the same. Its not that I haven’t been pursuing living this naturally supernatural life that we learned so much about and which was modeled so well to us, in fact its been an amazing journey since TSM but like all journeys there have definitely been hills and plateaus.

Plateaus sound better than valleys don’t they but I’m not sure they are. They can be deceptively comfortable. When you are in a valley you know you are but when you are on a plateau you can get so used to it that it’s easy to forget you haven’t seen any hills or mountains for a while

Take yesterday for example. I had just spoken to a group of Mums in the morning about being intentional in raising their children to live a supernatural life and challenged them to take some risks with their children.

Two hours later I was shopping in town and was shocked as I realised how much I had plateaued in stepping out and speaking to people on the street and offering to pray for them. It hadn’t happened over night but subtly and gradually. I felt disappointed that not long ago there had been such joy and expectancy in my heart whereas now it felt distant and a bit out of reach. I then weakly prayed that if God wanted me to share his love or bless someone that I would.

I wish I could write how I was obedient but instead I lost courage…again, even though God clearly put someone in my path. I turned a corner of a street and found I was walking behind a woman who was walking slowly and tentatively with one crutch and carrying a heavy bag.

You know the conversations you have with yourself in those moments… “She will think I am some mad woman accosting her and talking about God and what if she doesn’t want prayer anyway”. As I walked past her and went on my way I felt massively disappointed at the fear of man that was crippling me.

Later I was in a prophetic/worship gathering. It was so good to be in God’s presence, which felt almost tangible, and I felt so free and so full of joy. This freedom and joy, is though, I thought what Jesus wants us to take to the lost and the broken and the hurting.

This morning I spent time with Jesus asking his forgiveness and realising that when I walked past that lady it was like I was walking past Jesus himself (Matt 25:40) What was at stake… my reputation? What was the worst that could have happened… that I might have been shunned or rejected? What did Jesus suffer and endure for us? He was despised and rejected. All so that we might have this life, this freedom, this joy. I was nailed in that moment.

One thing I heard last year was that when we mess up God still thinks we are amazing and loves us the same. That his love for us doesn’t depend on what we do for him i.e. ‘from approval rather than for approval’. To keep it real…I’m still learning to live that way.

One thing I do know is that God has called me to be a pioneer and not a settler and pioneers don’t stay long on the plateaus.