Hills
and Plateaus
After reading the latest TSM blog I feel provoked
and I am sure I am not the only student from last year’s course that is feeling
the same. Its not that I haven’t been pursuing living this naturally
supernatural life that we learned so much about and which was modeled so well
to us, in fact its been an amazing journey since TSM but like all journeys
there have definitely been hills and plateaus.
Plateaus sound better than valleys don’t
they but I’m not sure they are. They can be deceptively comfortable. When you
are in a valley you know you are but when you are on a plateau you can get so
used to it that it’s easy to forget you haven’t seen any hills or mountains for
a while
Take yesterday for example. I had just
spoken to a group of Mums in the morning about being intentional in raising
their children to live a supernatural life and challenged them to take some
risks with their children.
Two hours later I was shopping in town and
was shocked as I realised how much I had plateaued in stepping out and speaking
to people on the street and offering to pray for them. It hadn’t happened over
night but subtly and gradually. I felt disappointed that not long ago there had
been such joy and expectancy in my heart whereas now it felt distant and a bit out
of reach. I then weakly prayed that if God wanted me to share his love or bless
someone that I would.
I wish I could write how I was obedient but
instead I lost courage…again, even though God clearly put someone in my path. I
turned a corner of a street and found I was walking behind a woman who was walking
slowly and tentatively with one crutch and carrying a heavy bag.
You know the conversations you have with
yourself in those moments… “She will think I am some mad woman accosting her
and talking about God and what if she doesn’t want prayer anyway”. As I walked
past her and went on my way I felt massively disappointed at the fear of man
that was crippling me.
Later I was in a prophetic/worship
gathering. It was so good to be in God’s presence, which felt almost tangible,
and I felt so free and so full of joy. This freedom and joy, is though, I
thought what Jesus wants us to take to the lost and the broken and the hurting.
This morning I spent time with Jesus asking
his forgiveness and realising that when I walked past that lady it was like I
was walking past Jesus himself (Matt 25:40) What was at stake… my reputation? What
was the worst that could have happened… that I might have been shunned or
rejected? What did Jesus suffer and endure for us? He was despised and
rejected. All so that we might have this life, this freedom, this joy. I was
nailed in that moment.
One thing I heard last year was that when
we mess up God still thinks we are amazing and loves us the same. That his love
for us doesn’t depend on what we do for him i.e. ‘from approval rather than for
approval’. To keep it real…I’m still learning to live that way.
One thing I do know is that God has called
me to be a pioneer and not a settler and pioneers don’t stay long on the
plateaus.
