Embracing Emotion

Emotions are powerful and intense, complex and rich. They are a beautiful part of who God made us to be

The psalms are full of expressed emotions of loneliness, sorrow, love, joy, discouragement, pain, regret, shame, delight, fear and a whole host more

Expressing emotion is key to finding freedom and yet walking through this process either ourselves or when helping others can sometimes be a struggle.

Some of us are more in touch with our emotions and find tears flow easily whereas others of us find it harder to express emotion for all kinds of reasons

As a child I grew up in a house of mood swings and silences and where love was measured by performance. I learned to suppress emotion and when tears occasionally burst forth like an uncontrollable flood I was told to stop crying. As a result I learned to shut down my emotions because I felt ashamed.

When I became a Christian I struggled to ‘receive’ Christ because I couldn’t feel his love and I believed the lie that there was something wrong with me and that maybe God didn’t love me

I often measured my relationship with God according to my feelings despite knowing that his love is unconditional and received by faith.

My relationship became like a yoyo so that when I was doing well I felt good about myself and believed God was pleased with me but when I wasn’t doing well I believed God was displeased with me and distant. Connecting with the Father I found difficult and especially when on my own. With a disconnection in my heart I learned to embrace God with my mind more than experiencing him from my heart.

I remember a time of breakthrough. It was a moment of revelation. We were singing the hymn ‘Here is Love’ by Matt Redman and as I sang the line ‘He kissed a guilty world in love’ God showed me that a kiss is the most intimate expression of love and I began to cry as I realised his affection for me. This was the beginning of my journey rediscovering intimacy.

We cannot praise God without our emotions being involved. The gospel permeates into our emotions and the expression of these emotions glorifies God

We need to embrace our emotions in a healthy way both in our relationship with God and our relationship with others whilst not allowing them to trump truth?

God doesn’t want anything less than our genuine authenticity. After all He knows it all already!

So… I want to share a recent encounter I had at a Father’s Heart conference I attended just 4 days ago!

On the first night, after listening to a talk about creating a culture of freedom and the importance of being authentic and embracing emotion I came away challenged because I knew these were areas I still struggled with. I wasn’t feeling that great physically. I had a headache and was feeling hormonally challenged! I went to bed but couldn’t get to sleep. At 2.45 I got up and began to pour out my discontent to God. As I did I began to get gut level honest and wrote in my journal how I was really feeling. I told God that when I struggled to find him near I felt disappointed and shut out. I didn’t like it when I didn’t feel strong, peaceful, restful, full of faith, hope-filled and close to him. I didn’t feel safe and I would then blame myself and begin to compare myself with others around me and either pretend I was engaging or I would give up and withdraw believing that true heart connection is just hard work…believing the lie that it was down to my efforts.

The more honest I was the more I felt God draw near. God showed me the lies that I was believing. He reminded me that it was his desire to draw near to me and all I had to do was simply receive him. He spoke to me from Psalm 116 about finding rest for my soul, of standing firm, of my weakness keeping me dependent and leaning on his love and grace and of pressing on to know him more.

As I meditated on his words of encouragement to me I felt strengthened again and began to encounter joy and peace.

The following day as we began to worship I entered from a different place and I encountered a new level of intimacy. Instead of working hard for intimacy and connection I positioned my heart to receive and it was wonderful. I felt God pouring his love into my heart in fresh waves.

Through being authentic and embracing emotion I found a new level of freedom. The devil hates intimacy and will use everything he can to keep us from it for this is what we were made for.

Let us feel deeply in order to greater glorify our God and let us be authentic in our communion with him.

Kingdom Carriers

Yesterday I listened to a message about the Kingdom of God and was reminded again of our primary calling to be a carrier of his Kingdom wherever we go. This morning it seemed God was reminding me again as I read in my BIOY notes…’You Are Anointed’ followed later by a prayer which read…Help me to bring good news to the poor, to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom to the captives and to bring the oil of gladness instead of mourning and despair’

Every Thursday afternoon, along with a friend, I go into the centre of the town where I live and share the love of Jesus with people.

We are regularly seeing people encounter God’s love and sometimes opening their hearts to receive Jesus for the first time.

As I stepped out today I felt provoked about my need to be utterly dependent on the Holy Spirit and that apart from him, I can do nothing. After chatting and praying with a few people I then spoke to a lady who seemed to approach me. I soon found out that sadly she was very opposed to knowing God. I tried to share God’s love with her but she walked off disinterested. For a while I felt a bit discouraged and hung back from approaching anyone else. I recognised the battle going on in my mind and knew I had to push through the lies and feelings of rejection, something we can often feel when sharing Jesus with people.

I saw a young man coming towards me walking very slowly on crutches. At first he seemed out of reach but he then decided to walk closer to the shops, which was where I was standing and I knew he was going to come right past me. I couldn’t avoid him and took courage and spoke to him. Asking him what he had done to his foot, which was heavily bandaged, he told me it was his Achilles and he had come out of hospital just 3 days ago after an operation. I asked him if I could pray for Jesus to heal it. He enthusiastically said “yes please” which took me back a bit. I was about to bend down to the ground when he said he’d be too embarrassed and didn’t want me to. I told him that was ok and that Jesus could heal his foot anyway without me touching it. After praying I asked if he felt anything and he said a click. I then asked if he was currently in any pain and he said not really but if he were to put his foot on the ground, which he was very nervous to do, he would be. He began to talk about his life, how he had been in prison. He also told me how thirsty he was. I offered to buy him a drink and something to eat but said I would love to pray for his foot again first. He was so touched by my love for him and kept mentioning it. As I was praying for his foot the second time I saw him gingerly try to put it on the ground and then all of a sudden he began swearing because he said there was no pain. He kept checking and doing it again. He couldn’t believe it.  As we walked to get something for him to eat and drink he told me excitedly that this was the second time something like this had happened to him. In prison a lady had prayed for him and he had been delivered from heroin addiction with no withdrawals. He said she had the same power that I had. I told him it was the power of Jesus and asked him if he knew a personal relationship with him. He said that he had asked Jesus into his heart lots of times and that in prison he had attended bible studies but he kept doing wrong things and was very up and down.

He seemed so overwhelmed by the love he was receiving and kept thanking me over and over. After buying him something to eat and drink my friend Matt joined us. He had kindly come to check I was ok. I left them talking so I could go and buy some socks and some plasters. The man said a sock would be great to put on his foot now he could put it down on the ground. The plasters were my idea for the blisters on his hands from walking with the crutches. As he reluctantly let me put them on the broken blisters I felt such compassion for him and knew they were like a picture of the hurts he had gone through that God wanted to heal on the inside.

Later, another lady came towards me also on crutches and I stopped to ask her the Miracle Question…if God could do a miracle for her what would she ask him to do? Her answer was for God to be able to bring her husband back. They had been married for 48 years and he had died a few years ago. I could see how lonely and sad she was and I prayed she would know God’s comfort and love. Asking her why she needed walking sticks, she told me she had arthritis all over her body and that her hips were the most painful. She was a Christian and had received prayer before but she was happy for me to pray again. After praying, she felt heat. I thanked God for touching her and prayed for more and asked her how the pain was. She said it was less and on a scale of 10 was now about 6. I asked her what it had been before and she said about 15! After praying a third time she said the pain had all gone!

After a short drinks break in the café, my friends, Stef and Matt and I went back out on the street. I had been thinking of leaving to go home but I am so glad I hadn’t. Matt had just approached a young man and asked him the Miracle Question and the man had replied that he was an atheist. After asking him why he thought he was an atheist and chatting with him for a while Matt brought him across to introduce him to Stef and I. Matt’s question had clearly impacted him. He also told us the sad news that he had come from his father’s funeral today. We felt for him and knew there was something significant about us meeting him. Stef asked him what would stop him having a personal relationship with Jesus and he said because he didn’t believe in him yet at the same time he was apologetic, I think, for our sakes. We helped him explore that a bit more and then Stef suggested he ask God to reveal himself to him. I felt prompted to share how God had revealed himself to me and as I told him the story and of the peace and joy I felt in my heart and the presence of the Holy Spirit in my room he began to cry. I told him God knew the way to reach his heart too. He turned away because he was so embarrassed he was crying and in the street. We could all feel the presence of God with us. Stef then acknowledged that it was a defining moment for him and gave him the opportunity to respond and ask Jesus into his life. He said with feeling that he really wanted to and now! and Stef led him in a prayer. We gave him a bible and other literature to help him on his journey. He said he hadn’t ever read the bible and asked us where he should start. He was keen to give us his contact details and to keep in touch. He kept saying it was all so surreal and how he had just stepped off the bus and it was obviously meant to be. I felt so happy I felt like dancing in the street…I did actually… just a little one!!

It was later when I got home that I remembered what I had read this morning from Isaiah 61… about bringing good news to the poor…binding up the broken hearted…proclaiming freedom to the captives… and bringing the oil of gladness instead of mourning and despair’

My friends and I got to be Kingdom Carriers today…something we are all called to be wherever we go.

Who do you think you are?

A friend messaged me last night and it really encouraged me. As I read it I was reminded of a revelation God gave me some time ago and I feel stirred to write about it.

Some time back I was reading where Andrew brought Simon to meet Jesus. It says in John 1:42 ‘Looking intently at Simon, Jesus said, “Your name is Simon, son of John…but you will be called Cephas which means Peter’

God showed me in that moment that we are all sons or daughters of someone, we all have a natural descent, a family line but when Jesus looks at us he sees who we truly are, who He has made us to be and He calls us by our name and calls out our destiny. I remember it was such a powerful and intimate moment as I realised when my Father looks at me he sees all the promise and destiny he wrote and sang over me before I was even born.

My friend wrote… I remember an occasion where you were meeting and greeting at the church and you stepped up and prayed for me to have words of knowledge for my clients. I remember thinking…”Oh no, that’s not me!! ha ha!! However now I seek and love the Holy Spirit prompts he gives me to pray for my clients.

Whilst my friend was looking at her inadequacies the Father was looking at her adequacy in Christ. We often look at our imperfections whilst all the time the Father is looking at our perfection. He doesn’t see how I am now but he sees me according to my destiny

When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon who was threshing wheat to keep it away from the Midianite enemies he said to Gideon, "The Lord is with you mighty warrior, go in the strength you have and save Israel out of the Midianite’s hand". Gideon’s response was "Pardon me, my Lord but how can I save Israel, my clan is the weakest and I am the least in my family". He was looking at where he had come from instead of who God said he was and that God was always with him.

It’s time to give up the small version of ourselves and believe and step into the Christ version of who we really are.

Whatever the weather

I’ve recently been re-reading ‘A diary of Miracles’ by Aliss Cresswell. I also got to meet her in person last week. In 2010 Aliss and her husband Rob opened a cafe in the heart of Chester and they have been seeing incredible miracles on a daily basis. Aliss kept a journal and every night wrote down what happened that day.

Some while ago God said to me to start writing down the stories of God encounters he has led me into. I started recording them but haven’t been very consistent. I’m a good starter but not a good finisher. I also haven’t yet seen many people healed when I’ve prayed for them or been part of many miracles even though I long to and God has said I will. 

I am on a journey of faith and I want to learn to celebrate what God has done, what he is doing and not what I haven’t seen yet! I believe as we steward what God has given us he will give us more. I also want to encourage others through my journey so that they will realise God wants to move through them too. 

Early this morning I felt God lead me to the passage in 2 Corinthians 14 which says ‘But thanks be to God who in Christ always leads us in his triumphal procession and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere’ 

When I went out today I said with a greater intentionality Father, please show me the people you want me to speak to and please open my eyes and ears to see and hear what you are doing and help me to love people.

So…this is my journal entry for today

14th May
Today I was on my way to meet a friend for coffee. As I rounded the corner in the town with just 5 minutes to spare, a lady bumped into me who I’ve recently met in Bedford (another story!) She’s not yet a Christian but has started coming to church with me. After exchanging hugs she asked me what I was doing. I told her I was meeting a friend and she said, “Can I come too”? It was one of those awkward moments when you want to do the right thing for everyone. I said yes whilst wondering how it was going to work out. I knew the friend I was meeting would understand and see the opportunity God was opening up, which gratefully she did! We both got to love this lady and lead her closer to knowing Jesus. I don't think its going to be long! 

This afternoon I went out with another friend as we regularly do on a Thursday afternoon into the town centre. We prayed before we went out and encouraged each other a lot. We needed to, it was raining and people didn’t really want to stop and chat but God was clearly with us. 
We got to buy a hot pasty for a homeless guy who was sheltering in a doorway, we got to share the love of God with a market trader who has strong atheist views and colourful language but considers us his friends and openly tells his customers who we are. 

My friend then had to pop into the bank and whilst he was busy I got talking to one of the staff. It was very natural. We started just talking about the weather and how cold it was, but she soon began talking about her family and the challenges of raising her daughter, She told me she had been a difficult child herself and how she had recently apologised to her mum for how she had behaved. I got to encourage her for doing just that which I don’t think she realised the significance of and to keep on loving her daughter. It was only a brief conversation because a customer was waiting to speak to her but I got to love and encourage her.

My friend and I decided to ‘call it a day’ as the rain wasn’t letting up. On my way back to the bus stop I decided to get a take away coffee from Costas. As I was standing at the bus stop I got chatting to a young woman waiting for the bus. Again the conversation was about the weather and then she noticed my coffee and asked if it was helping! Turned out she works at the ‘drive through Costas’ near where I live. By the time the bus came I knew she was going to sit next to me, which she did! As we talked about Costas, she said there is something special about it, which I agreed with and told her about its Christian foundation and the Whitbread family. I asked her if she knew about the Suspended Coffee Scheme*, which I have tried to promote at Costas with the manager. She loved the idea of it and the generosity behind it. This led on to talking about generosity and she said she had come across people at the drive thru who had sometimes offered to pay for the person behind them in the queue and how amazing that was. I told her of a recent time I got to pay for someone’s shopping in Tescos. She said how she was wanting to teach her daughter to be generous but how it didn’t come naturally. I knew this was the moment to tell her about Jesus and how he was our ultimate example of generosity. I sensed she was soon getting off the bus and so I had a just a few minutes to share the gospel with her. She was interested that I had become a Christian as opposed to being born a Christian. It was a very warm conversation and she seemed sorry that she had to get off. She told me her name and encouraged me to visit her at the Drive through Costas soon. 
It felt so easy. Today got me thinking, we don’t have to try to bring God into the conversation because we already carry his presence but we do have to be available and to be listening and noticing the promptings of the Holy Spirit. The Father is just waiting to set up encounters for us, whatever the weather!

* The Suspended Coffee Scheme started in Naples, Italy. Coffee drinkers not only place their own order, but also request a second drink for someone who cannot afford to pay for their own.
The idea, which is not just aimed at helping the homeless but those who simply find themselves out of work and broke, is beginning to take off in Britain and around the world.
So far, about 150 British cafes have signed up to what has become a formal scheme, while big chains like Starbucks and Costa are making positive noises about getting involved.
The concept is based on good faith by both shops and the customers - anyone can enter and asked for a 'suspended coffee' and are unlikely to be asked for their credentials, but it is hoped the most needy people will take advantage.