Learning to be dependent

God has been showing me how even though I say I trust Him in everything, and for the bigger things in life perhaps I do, that in the everyday of life I have a tendency to think, plan and sometimes feel anxious.

Last week I had a big event coming up. Having recently been reunited with my birth mother, both she and my half brother and wife were coming to stay for the first time. I wasn’t feeling well and knowing I had a lot to do in preparation, I was anxious that I wouldn’t be able to do it all and something would go wrong. I wanted their visit to be the best it could be. I had lots of meals to cook, beds to make up and the house to get ready as well as other weekly commitments to fit in and because I was feeling a bit ill, it all seemed like a mountain in front of me. Honestly? My prayers were more anxious thoughts than requests, yet in His kindness God answered them and said, “You know I know all that is planned and all that will happen and so why are you worrying? If you trust me it will all be ok” These words sound familiar don’t they?  Jesus sometimes had to rebuke his disciples for lack of faith but when they were caught in the storm, He came towards them and said, “Take heart it is I” As I heard my Father’s words I immediately felt His peace and rest and knew it would be ok. Over the next couple of days it was as though I had a download of supernatural energy to do everything I needed to do. In fact at the end of each day I had more energy than I usually have! By the end of the week I was so grateful for God’s provision but even more for the inner peace and rest I felt every time I reminded myself of His words to me.

Its so humbling how the Father always waits for us to come to him and when we do we discover this is the place we were always meant to live from. He wants us to do everything from a place of rest. The Message version of Jesus words in Matthew 11:28-30 express it so well, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

When my Father speaks His words draw me close and I feel peaceful. His words are always strong and yet gentle. His presence is always reassuring and never accusing. To hear Him whisper we have to lean in and there like a weaned child we find true rest and contentment.

Pursuing God's presence

I was never a very ‘happy camper’ but in the past I have attempted to make the best of it and after just a few days of trying to ‘make it home’ I was surprised how much simpler life seemed. I even found myself thinking maybe I could enjoy living this way without lots of stuff. Of course heat, rain, flooding or a collapsing airbed soon brought me to my senses!

I was reading Numbers 9 recently about Israel’s journey through the wilderness and in particular how God’s presence guided them day and night. How whenever the cloud or its appearance like fire lifted the people knew to set out and whenever it settled the people knew to stay put. Sometimes the cloud rested just one day and sometimes many days. It was sometimes for a month and sometimes for longer. I started wondering what it would have been like for all those families camping, knowing that at any moment they would have to pack everything up and move on. They must have lived having to hold everything very lightly and of course we know from the rest of the story that they often grumbled and complained and tested God’s patience.

As I read the story though, what stood out to me was how the Israelites must have been continually looking for the sign of Gods presence in the cloud or the fire. What provoked me was how even though they only knew God’s presence at a distance, they would have been keenly looking. For us, Jesus has made it possible for us to know his presence continually, even his manifest presence. God has now come and made his home in us and God who is Emmanuel has promised to always be near.

It got me thinking. Do I look for him with delight? How dependent am I on listening for his voice and following him? Do I wait for him? I don't know about you but I want to live this way. When I look for and lean in to his presence and then obey he leads me into wonderful encounters both with him and with those he loves.

This I know that whatever happens along the way, our journey with God is always leading us into experiencing more of his goodness. He promises His presence will go with us and He will give us rest. In his presence is fullness of joy and at his right hand are pleasures forever more.

Wisdom from Above

When talking to someone do you ever catch yourself sharing wisdom that you hadn't thought of before, and then afterwards you realise God was giving it to you because He knew you needed to hear it too? 

Today I was talking with a friend over lunch about how difficult it must be living in a country where there is persecution. My friend told me that in the country where she is a missionary there are many stories daily that can inspire fear and how she had become used to trying to resist a cloud of heaviness come over her. As she said this, I felt God remind me of something I’d heard recently when I was listening to a podcast. They were telling the story from Acts 5 of how some people were healed as Peters shadow went past them and made this statement ‘What we are most overshadowed by will overshadow others’ 
I shared it with my friend to encourage her and then had this thought that I hadn't had before. I said when you feel overshadowed by fear instead of  feeling powerless perhaps you should ask God ‘What do you want to show me?’

We both thought this was a good question and from that flowed more revelation. It was like the Father was alongside us and saying and let me show you some more!

It then occurred to me how when we’re afraid or tempted or even sin our tendency is to keep away from God to sort ourselves out, to try and stop feeling fearful, to try and stop sinning or being tempted before we’re ready to be close again. That’s what an orphan does but any child who has a healthy relationship with their dad even when they’re not doing well doesn’t have to hide or leave home even though they feel guilty because they know that no matter what, they are forever loved. It occurred to me in the moment how God wants us to stay close all the time. That’s relationship. We laughed together and thought how good that was. As I walked home I felt the Father say thats the kind of relationship I want you to enjoy with me all the time.